“Ksenia! Ksenia, minha filha, did you fall asleep?”

“Ohh, wait. Where am I? Am I back?”

“Yes, you are back…”

“I thought… oh, never mind. Wait…”

“You don’t need to get on your knees, Ksenia.”

“But I want to, Baba. I also want permission to enter Sacred Grounds and your blessing.”

Baba Carlos put his hand on my head and I immediately felt it. The vibration. That vibration that I felt while I was travelling through time, or seeing memories, or reliving what Maria had lived. I don’t know what kind of experience that was, but I know that it was real. I know what I felt because I was feeling what they were feeling. I felt the different energies from Sacred Grounds to Duque de Caxias, to Petrópolis, to the celebration. I know what that celebration was, and I felt him. His power, his strength, but also somehow I could feel his wisdom.

I felt Maria, her pain but also her power. So small, but so powerful.

And now, in Exu’s house, with Baba Carlos’s hand on my head, I feel it…

“Stand up, Ksenia. Let’s walk together to the temple. You will sleep in Sacred Grounds tonight, and I feel you have many questions.”

“Yes, I do have a million questions.”

“And you’ll be able to ask all of them.”

“You’ll answer? Finally somebody will give me some explanations because my mind, you know, my mind is travelling so fast and I have a million thoughts and feelings and questions and again a million doubts. I need some answers, you know, because since I went to Professor Ward’s office my life was just overthrown and overtaken by things I cannot understand. I can feel them, but I don’t understand how everything is possible and, you know…”

“Calma, Ksenia. Stay calm. It’s okay to have many questions and doubts, but you need to calm down. Breathe with me, slowly. Calm down. Here, drink some water.”

“I’m sorry, Baba.”

And I started crying.

“I don’t even know why I’m crying. I just don’t understand what is happening to me. Maybe I’m going crazy. Maybe I should visit a doctor. I’m too confused, but I know what I saw and what I felt.”

“Calma, Ksenia. It’s okay.”

“I just… I can’t. I can’t think one thought now. All the thoughts and everything I saw… it’s just so many feelings I never felt.”

“I understand, Ksenia. Come, walk with me. Let’s go to the temple…”

We walked, continued talking and crying until we arrived at the temple. In front of a yellow door, Baba opened the door. There was an image of a beautiful goddess, and all around her, gold and sunflowers and lit candles.

“Enter, minha filha. You will see, you will calm down. Lie on that esteira. You look tired. I’ll come back in one hour for you.”

I entered the room and I was confused, but yes, I was tired and I needed to calm down. I lay down and slowly I stopped crying. I heard a beautiful voice singing for me, and slowly I felt peace, love and comfort.

When I felt I was back to myself, I felt like going out of the room, and when I opened the door, Sacred Grounds was exactly as I had seen through Maria’s eyes. Children playing happily, some women cooking, some doing crochet, others doing other manual work. Men cleaning meat and fish, some men bringing fruit. Many houses, each a different colour, and then a big house on the tallest hill. I walked there and entered. That was the main temple.

Baba was waiting for me.

“Ksenia, I’m happy to see you calm. And is that a smile I see on your face?”

I smiled. “Is it, Baba?”

“Yes, it is, and I’m happy I get to see it. Come, sit here.”

I sat in front of Baba Carlos and I felt all his wisdom on me.

“Whose house was I resting in?”

“The house of Oxum, the orixá of fresh waters, love, beauty and fertility. You saw her when you entered, surrounded by gold and sunflowers. I put you there so she could take care of you and calm you, since you are her daughter.”

“I’m her daughter?”

“Yes, you are.”

“How do you know?”

“Well, filhas de Oxum, they are recognisable, and who better to take care of you than your mother?”

“How so?”

“You have the honour of experiencing all kinds of feelings at their greatest strength.”

I smiled. “Yes, I am like that. Baba, tell me, was everything real? What I saw?”

“Of course. Exu showed you exactly what your heart wanted to see and answered the deepest questions you have.”

“But I have more questions that weren’t answered.”

“They will be answered, don’t you worry. But will you be strong enough to see what is coming?”

“I think so.”

“You cannot have doubts. You must have the certainty that you are ready to see what you will see from now on, because what you saw until now was the life of a child. Now, are you ready to see the transformation of the child into the woman Maria became?”

“Yes, Baba, I’m ready. But Baba, I have only one question. When you looked at Zita, you told her, ‘Welcome back, Zita. Now finally with my daughter.’ What did you mean?”

“Those years that my daughter was away with her mother, Zita came to Sacred Grounds every day after Maria fell asleep to tell me how Maria was and what was happening. I always knew where she was.”

“Why didn’t you go back for her?”

“Destiny must be respected, minha filha… Things must happen so other things happen, and so on. What happens in our life are little rings that, put together, form the chain that is our life. When we go away from this world, we take that chain. Those are our decisions, our life, the choices we made, the proof that destiny followed its course…”

“What about free will…?”

“There’s no free will…”

“Now follow me. If you want to continue to see, you must be initiated…”