Lupe Farkas

What is the worst thing that could happen to an indie author weeks before a book release?

Losing the final edited manuscript, right?

Yes… and no.

That didn’t happen to me. So, in a way, I feel “lucky.” Because what happened wasn’t as bad as losing months of work and tears.

What happened to me is that I got sick.

Not just a cold… I wish it were just a simple cold… I got the worst flu you can imagine. To be honest, I think it was COVID, because the last time I felt this bad was when I had COVID. I couldn’t do anything. The brain fog was unreal. I couldn’t think, I couldn’t focus, I couldn’t even write a simple message.

And I was in the middle of editing my book.

Two weeks before final changes. Perfect timing!

So what did I do? Nothing.

I slept. I complained (a lot). I got into terrible moods. That was week one.

Week two, I told myself: okay, you’re better now… You can edit from bed.

Yeah. Sure.

This is what happens when you edit a book with brain fog:

I hated my book.

Not slightly. Not “this needs work.”

I mean, I hated it.

I was reading it and thinking:
WTF did you write? Why did you waste your time, the most valuable thing you have, on this?

I cried.

I genuinely saw myself going on Instagram and commenting on my own posts as the worst hater possible. I imagined myself on Goodreads writing brutal reviews about my own book.

And then… I started looking for a job.

Seriously. That’s where my mind went. “Find a real job for real bitch!”

A normal person would stop and think:
“You’re not well. The book is fine. Just postpone and recover.”

But authors are not normal people.

We are not normal.

Are you a writer or an author? Do you consider yourself normal?

Of course not.

Sick, foggy, completely disconnected from my own work… I decided to just watch old series. Do I remember what I watched? NO!

After two weeks, I started to feel better.

Week three, I opened the manuscript again.

And something shifted.

I was reading… and I loved it.

Of course, there were things to correct. There always are. A book is never really finished; you just decide to stop writing it.

Then, two days later, I got sick again.

Another five days gone.

That’s when I did what I didn’t want to do:

I postponed the release.

All the plans… gone.

I felt like a complete loser.

Do you think that was the end of it?

No.

Of course not.

The cover designer, whom I had already paid half, sent me the first draft.

And immediately, I knew.

It was AI.

I didn’t want to accuse her directly, so I asked. She said no.

So I did something ironic: I asked AI.

AI said yes.

And there… something broke.

Not anger. I didn’t feel angry. I was sad.

Because at that moment, nothing was finished. Not the edits. Not the cover. Nothing felt solid. I told the designer that I couldn’t approve her work because it was AI. I asked her to design it for real… She got offended and blocked me; I lost the money. 

I was devastated.

When I feel that way, I don’t react.

I stop.

I go quiet. I close everything. I disappear a little.

And then I come back when I feel better, I don’t want my projects to have negative energies.

Is everything done now?

Yes. Got quite a few new silver hairs, lost quite a few kilos. And I’m happy!

On April 17th, Before October Ends will finally be available.

Despite everything.

And yes… it has a beautiful cover.

Designed by a human. 

Thank you for reading, leave me a comment.